| so im kinda dating someone right now... ok well i am... =]] but like idk. i kinda dont wanna date anyone. but idk ill see where this goes. hes so sweet. he spends all of his time and money on me and im like omg stop. but he says im so worth it and im like oh my jesus. hes younger than me and thats kinda wierd. i might not say yes if he asks me to be his gf... =S i dont know. |
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| ugh... sometimes i still get really depressed and just want to cry. like i want to talk about how i feel when im sad but it makes me even sadder and i pretend i can forget but i cant. i hate myself. i really do. i know i dont love him anymore but the pain is still there.when i see him or even catch a glimpse of him it makes me feel inferior. like i feel ugly and fat and stupid. i know he says mean things about me and ive always cared what people think. i dont want to ever love again. boys are good liars. they can pretend they love you and you fall for it. how can you tell the good from the bad? i wish id never dated him. we'd probably still be friends. |
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| wow i got over j fast haha. everyone is like it took me months and im still not completely over it and it took me like a month to be completely happy again. i feel accomplished =] |
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| so im surviving... i thought i was going to die. j broke my heart and i was depressed for so long and now... im happy. sometiems i get sad but there is always someone there to cheer me up. i love my friends and im glad im spending time with them now. im sorry i neglected you guys. |
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| so i need to go get my shit and j isnt answering. that bastard. well ehres the info on this whole thing. friday i was all happy and i got presents from ginny from cali. but he takes me to the cat place and i hug him and tell him i love him. he doesnt say anything so i just assume that he isnt really listening so im like whatev. then on thw ay to my house he detours to lakeland. he parks the car and we ge out and play at the park for a few and then we get back in the car. he starts crying and im like whats wrong? and he said nothing and im like its ok you can tell me nd he goes i dont know about us anymore. im like uh... ok? so whats wrong and he said wed been fighting a lot lately(which we hadnt been) and what couple doesnt fight? but anyways he said he had been debating this for a month or two and had been texting kyla back and forth asking her opinion about this stuff and hid it from me. he said he swore her to secrecy not to tell me. and she is suppose to be my friend... and she didnt tell me. im like wtf? and talking behind my back... big no no. so she texts me later that night and goes hey i heard... how ya doin? im like uhh... wow so i text her back and im like hey i heard that youve heard for about a month so dont talk to me. and she goes huh? and im liek j told me that hed beent exting back and forth with you about this. and she said he only asked her a question. im like well what was that question? and she goes honestly i dont remember or else id tell you. im like yeah wtf ever. and i stopped talking to her. and j was liek oh dont be mad at kyla it isnt her fault its mine and bullshit. i swear if she tries talking to me im going to hit her so hard. im like gonna snap. well im suppose to go get my shit but he isnt fucking calling me or anything. probably avoiding me that dick. but christian goes up to kyla during 7th hour and flips his shit on her and she says no its not true dont belive it and christian is like bullshit. and she goes so i guess jill isnt my friend anymore and christian goes what the fuck do you think r-tard and he walked away im like wow thanks. he put my thoughts into words. so yeah but atleast now i know who my true friedns are. and so basically hes been playing me for a month lying to my face about loving me. wow what an ass.
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